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When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a child’s addiction fear the discussion will center on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”